I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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