My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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