i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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