He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
