i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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