mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
