I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
