a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
