Acid is not a monday night drug
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
