I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
