Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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