No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
