you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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