she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
