I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
