just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
