You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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