Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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