I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
