I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
did i walk over a car last night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
