The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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