Say something about gay babies.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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