we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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