the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Houston, we have a squirter
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
