If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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