he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
