I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
