i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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