Plan B is the new Plan A
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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