After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Enjoy the penises
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
