Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
