She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
