would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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