And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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