This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
