idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
