Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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