I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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