Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
