the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
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