you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
