just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
third nipple confirmed
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
