your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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