How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
