I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
