seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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