I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
