I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize