this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
