Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
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He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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