You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
