hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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