Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
