Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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