John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
