Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
