That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
how does that bad decision feel?
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