DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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