I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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