Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
