I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
