Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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