Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
